today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
