I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
