I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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