Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
