Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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