I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
