the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
