If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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