there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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