Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
