don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
