Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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