That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
