I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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