don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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