He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
