So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize