Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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