i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
