she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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