I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
