Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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