is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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