I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
