I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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