Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
