it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
