this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
