we have officially lost it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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