I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
