shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize