yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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