What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
