You made me cry and you don't even care
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
