but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
