My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
