i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
