Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
