Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
