I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
