I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
