i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Quick, to the slutcave!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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