I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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