i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
