Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
