So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
