You just made me feel so damn special
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
