remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bring me that man meat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
