It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
