If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
home. puking in laundry basket.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
