Me. At least after what I've been through.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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