To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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