Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
