I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
