what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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