need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
