Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
