but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
