Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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