So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
