Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
