he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
