I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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