hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize