i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
