Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
