So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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