i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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