Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
