Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
