it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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