If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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