would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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