Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
