you guys were way drunker than both of me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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