Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we made out on top of his cat.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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