mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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