I think my fart just growled at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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