Quick, to the slutcave!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Let's get the cat blown out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
