I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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