last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
