Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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